that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
