"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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