We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
