Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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