Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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