I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
