my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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