we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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