Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
