Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
