he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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