one might say we're banned from that church
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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