so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
