found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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