just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
