between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
