Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
