dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
