Bisexual people are plain selfish.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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