I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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