I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This toilet bowl is my home.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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