I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
