I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
