No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
