just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
