There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
