My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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