Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
