Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
