Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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