Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She bit a glass in half.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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