If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
