Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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