You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
