You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
