Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
