Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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