i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
