I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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