Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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