He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
