I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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