This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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