make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
