They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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