Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
