fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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