I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
