omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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