I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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