I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
