We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
