So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
