You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
