As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
