take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
