Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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