I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dick very happy bro
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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