So drunk its hurt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
