I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
