Please, let me fuck your mom
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
