No stitches, just platelets and will power
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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