This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
