I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let's get the cat blown out
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
