I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra