I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.