Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
