If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
