Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
false alarm, still single
Randomize
