omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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